Cornell denied me admission. Even though it was a cutback week and my achilles tendon had been a little sore, I got out the next morning and ran ten miles. I didn't run out of spite, out of anger, or anything of the sort. I just ran. The run finished quickly, and while I wanted to keep going, I had school and it was cut back week after all. My head was cleared and I felt optimistic as I drove to school. The advantage of going to a small liberal arts school is that news spreads quickly, so I only had to tell a few people of my rejection and then everyone knew to not bring it up. A few offered condolences, saying I'm sorry, you should have gotten in. That didn't make it any better. My best friend said the best thing to me. I'm sorry, and I am not going to say you shouldn't have gotten in. I am sure you have heard that enough. Just know you will be happy wherever you go. To back that up, a different friend of mine sent me an interesting TED Talks video (see video below) that dealt with synthetic happiness. This is your body's ability to adapt and be happy no matter what happens. The video quickly digressed into other TED Talks on vultures and the likes (very cool and distracting), but that video stuck with me.
I went to tech the school play that night feeling optimistic. I felt like I had plenty of opportunities to explore, and maybe the rejection from Cornell wasn't such a bad thing because I could cast a net out and see what I hauled in and choose from those schools. I was sitting there, working the sound board when I got an e-mail from University of Michigan. I was deferred. My body went numb all over again. I couldn't leave either, I couldn't do anything. I had to sit and tech the production for another hour and a half. It was a long hour and a half to say the least. I was still a little shell-shocked from Cornell so this one didn't hurt as badly. But, it still sucked. My confusion and worry about college only increased. It made me doubt my abilities, my extra-curricular activities, everything. It was hard to find the silver lining (my mom and aunt's favorite expression). I tried dealing with it the way Scott Jurek would deal with it. I told myself that yes, I didn't get in. Yes, it does suck. But, can you do anything about it? No. So why are you stressing over it and shooting yourself down for something that out of your control. you just have to keep plugging away. I put my head down, and I got to work, looking at other schools that very night.
While I got over the actual decisions fast, the confusion, doubt, and over-all curiosity of what I should do in college still loomed over my head. It is still weighing my down whether I should continue with engineering or go a different route. I am fascinated and get electrified talking about organic chemistry, the body, and physical therapy. Who knows, and that is something in the coming weeks and months and years I will be figuring out. All I can say is that for the time being my college list has grown exponentially to cover all the bases. This means that the next few weeks will be college essay writing and running.
Today, my mother and I did a long run of 9.5 miles. It was our cutback week so we did it close to home, on roads, at a slower pace. It was a quiet run, as I was not in the best mood due to trying to figure out my life. Although I was grumpy my mom still ran with me and for that I give her a lot of credit. She has a way of being able to put up with a lot. She always gives me a lot of good advice on these long runs which I internalize more than I lead on to show (you know, have to look manly!).
My body felt rather tired and my knees were a bit achey. I blame it on the stress and not being able to relax my body as well as I should have. My achilles tendon felt good though, which is a plus since it felt rather tweaky this week. I rehabbed it a lot this week, icing, rolling out my feet, and massaging it whenever I could get the chance. People at the school play gave me weird looks when they walked by the tech booth and saw me working sound with one hand and massaging a foot with the other.
This week I have also resumed doing core work and strengthening. I originally started in August doing about a half an hour of work outs a night. I did it consistently, until around thanksgiving, and have just started up again. It's not always about doing it every night as much as it is about keeping it up throughout your athletic career (an example of noteworthy mother advice).
My sister came home this week from college. She is a junior Macalester College in Minnesota. It is nice for her to be home, just in time to see the Hobbit with me!
Be sure to comment if you have any questions, comments, concerns! Anything is welcome and appreciated!